On Leaving Rajasthan

Parental Warning: This entry is unpleasant and contains foul, graphic language. It might also be construed as culturally insensitive - I hope not.

Katrina and I are now in Patan, Nepal, and we're loving it. As fascinating and incredibly photogenic as Rajasthan is, we decided to cut our visit short and move on to Nepal ahead of schedule. One of the reasons that we left Rajasthan was that we realized we would have to stay much longer than we had intended in order to get decent material for our book, leaving us less time to do research elsewhere.

Purdah Screen

Unfortunately, the other reason we left early is because the incredible number of utterly obnoxious perverts. This may sound funny, but it is not. First of all, as a guy who reads Dan Savage's column, you have to go pretty far for me to call you a pervert. However, sexual harassment and intimidation of women is where I draw the line.


We have had problems with sexual harassment directed toward Katrina (and other foreign women) in smaller doses in other parts of India - including the non-Buddhist parts of Ladakh's capital, Leh, and even in friendly, outgoing Kerala. Even these lower levels were already a solid nine on the bullshit-o-meter, and much more than we've experienced in any other country (including our own). However, Rajasthan has turned the perversion and harassment of women up to 11, and frankly, for all its splendor and history, and despite the wonderful people that we did meet there, we are glad to be gone.


It has amazed me how in the regions of India mentioned above, there is a stark difference between when I walk around town alone, and when I am with Katrina. In fact, it is a bit pathetic.

When I am on my own, I feel a little like a minor celebrity. A lot of people want to talk to me, or take their picture with me, and I am often shown great hospitality. When I walk through the same areas with Katrina, it is another experience entirely. Let me try to describe it this way...


Fellas, I know you've done this before, but imagine that you are married to a famous porn-star. Sounds fun, huh? Now imagine trying to go for a walk anywhere that there are groups of young men (i.e. just about anywhere but a nunnery). This is going to happen every time you go into public. Get the picture? But, hey, you're the one who married a porn-star, what did you expect?!? Well, go for a walk with any light-skinned woman in Rajasthan, and the experience is not much different. Even when I was with Katrina, as soon as I would look another direction, the stares and gestures and lewd noises would begin. As walking side-by-side in India is usually not possible, Katrina would often walk in front of me, so that I could keep an eye on her.

It's pathetic that it should come to that. It's even more pathetic that it was only so effective, even with Katrina dressing culturally sensitively (that is, she has only forearms showing). When we talked to our Indian friend who lives part time in Bangalore, she told us she had meant to warn us about sexual harassment of light-skinned women in Rajasthan.


The worst offenders were the young men in brightly colored shirts. I call them the pea-cocks. Whenever I was looking elsewhere, they would leeeeer at Katrina, trying to intimidate her by staring at her for long periods of time. One time, when Katrina was crouching down to take a picture of a museum display, I noticed a pea-cock standing next to her, taking a picture of her with his cell phone. I stepped in his way and confronted him and he got nervous and swore he wasn't doing anything. After Katrina & I walked away, pea-cock's friend gave him a good whack.


Finally, we made up our minds to leave, and got on a bus to Delhi to catch a flight to Nepal. This turned out to be our worst experience in Rajasthan. The bus left Jodhpur at 6 PM and arrived at the airport in Delhi around 7 AM. We were the only foreigners on the bus, and while most of the people on the bus were good, friendly people, Katrina was harassed twice during the ride. While I was sleeping, a man sitting nearby turned around and would not stop staring at Katrina. When I woke up Katrina told me about this, but the man had already left the bus. I was incensed and told her to wake me up if something like that happened again.

Schoolgirls by Satee Memorial, Jodhpur

Sure enough, Katrina woke me up later in the ride and told me that the man across the aisle from us was masturbating. While I was staring at him in disbelief, trying to find another explanation for what I was seeing, the asshole continued and started singing in Hindi. Everyone around us was sleeping. In the seat just behind the man there were two small girls sleeping. I confronted the man and he stopped, but he just kept smiling and pretended not to be able to understand what I was saying. I persisted, and eventually he wiped the smile off his face and stared straight ahead. However, he was far from apologetic or embarrassed. I was reluctant to leave Katrina alone, but I decided to talk to the conductor on the bus. He was a gruff, but friendly fellow and I thought he might be sympathetic.

Unfortunately, I had to try to communicate with him via pantomime to explain to him what was happening - you can imagine how funny that looked. I was shocked when he told me, "wait ten minutes." I said, "What?!? What do you mean wait ten minutes," and tried again to convey what was happening. Fortunately, a young bespectacled man sitting next to the conductor asked me with some shock, "Do you mean masturbating?" When I said yes, he told the conductor, who became stern and swung into action, scolding the man and making him move away from Katrina.


This was a crucial moment in my mind. When the conductor told me to wait ten minutes, I thought that he had understood and was not willing to intervene. Apparently, he had thought my pantomime meant that I had to use the bathroom - that would have been the craziest pantomime for pee-break ever! If the man sitting next to him had not understood and translated, imagine the impression of Rajasthan that I would have been left with.

After the conductor forced the man to move away, I got up and thanked both the conductor & my interpreter. The young man said, "Not all people are like this, only some." I told him that I understand this. However, I didn't tell him what I was thinking... "Yes, but so many are". And, unfortunately, they ruin it. Katrina will not be coming back, and I'm not sure that I would, even if I were alone. Sure, I would be treated like an honored guest. Sure, most men in Rajasthan aren't creeps. However, it would be hard to tell which were which, and that would ruin it.

Afterword: India is not homogeneous. India is changing. Rajasthan is changing, too. The images of the purdah screen and the satee memorial are not meant to imply that either tradition continues in modern Rajasthan. However, they do illustrate the historical place of women in Rajasthan. They can also be interpreted as a symbol of how much change has already occurred.